Do you ever feel frustrated with yourself for not being able to meet your expectations? You’re busy all the time, but don’t feel like you are accomplishing enough. You may be dealing with perfectionism. 

The word perfectionist is such a loaded idea. It conjures up images of Type A characters from TV shows and movies. Someone who expects perfection from everyone and loses it when anything falls short. Sometimes perfectionism can be sneakier and more insidious. Maybe you understand that perfection is not realistic or attainable, but you do hold yourself to higher expectations. Maybe you get stuck in the negative self-talk about how much better you ‘could’ do. 

This can get tricky because our internal voice tells us that we need to challenge ourselves to do our best, to get more done, and more efficient. But that's not perfectionism, right? It's just holding ourselves accountable for what we know we can do, isn't it? The way it usually comes in therapy is ‘I should be able to’ or ‘everyone else can do all these things, why can’t I?’ 

The problem is - you can't do your best all the time for all the things. That is unattainable and often leaves us feeling disappointed in our efforts or worse in ourselves. A sneaky part of perfectionism is that it can be debilitating. If we can’t do it very well, we don’t do it. This usually makes us feel worse because nothing got done. 

The good news is we don't actually need to do our best all the time. There are plenty of times that things just need to get completed and getting them done is good enough. In school we were graded by effort and accuracy. It was not enough to just answer the question in an essay, we had to do it eloquently, in the assigned number of words, while following multiple grammar and stylistic rules. That model does not prepare us for many life situations where it's more of a pass/fail situation with no bonus points for excess effort. So, we feel guilty when we grab take out dinner, or make a meal from a prepared box because we didn’t cook a ‘fresh’ meal. Fresh, from scratch meals can be wonderful, but many of us do not have the time or energy to prepare an elaborate meal after a long day of work or taking care of others. On those days, maybe we give ourselves a little slack and make the best choice available. Maybe we will grab a pre-made salad, frozen vegetables or a boxed dinner. Either way, the important thing is that we feed ourselves and our families. Did you eat- Yes or no? If the answer is yes- good job! If the answer is no – please go get something to eat right now. Do not pass go. Food is fuel for our bodies and machines can't work properly without fuel. 

Did the report get done for work? Yes. Was it as sparkly and dazzling as you could make it? No? That's OK, that probably wasn't necessary anyway. 

What if you don’t have the energy to complete a task- instead of feeling overwhelmed and shutting down, can you break the task into smaller parts?  No energy to clean the whole house? Fair enough, is there one thing you can do? Maybe you aren’t up for the whole laundry process. How about just putting the clothes in the washer? Not up for all that, okay- how about moving the laundry over by the washer? Then you can throw those clothes in the washer when you have a little more energy. 

When we focus on progress instead of perfection, we can feel better and get work done all while being kinder to ourselves. You'll save so much energy when you stop beating yourself up for falling short of perfection. Energy that can be utilized in much more productive, healthy ways. Winston Churchill is quoted as saying ‘Perfection is the enemy of progress.’ Focusing on progress helps us focus on smaller, more attainable goals instead of only the end goal. This mindset shift can help us recognize evidence of our progress, so we can accept and enjoy things, even when they are not perfect. Perfection is not attainable, but progress is.